Friday 19 December 2008

Simon Cowell's Chilly Trowel

Hi guys! Far too busy to blog today. Judy is helping Simon Cowell lay a new patio and I'm on trowel duty. It's also my job to ensure that his waistband never drops lower than his hips, which have a low tolerance for chills. I blame his new artificial joints. The human body is not meant to contain so much titanium. They act as a real heat-sink. No wonder he complains so much about having a frozen colon.

I’m also rehearsing for my stint on the radio. I’m having my teeth re-bleached this afternoon so I look my best for the occasion. Thanks for all the recommendations for tunes I might play. The idea of devoting the whole evening to the Peruvian nose flute really did inspire me. I’m going to see if I can get James Galway into the studio and ask him to play ‘Greensleeves’ with just one nostril.

In the meantime, if you have a moment spare, you can read the blog of my one-time friend and blogging associate who has now decided to spread some foul rumours about me. I can't believe that I've promised to promote his blog. Judy is, quite naturally, heartbroken that a friend could betray us in this vulgar fashion. If you do go over there, I ask that you don’t believe a word that he says. The man is a known liar and I swear that he once asked me for an inventory of Judy’s sock drawer. Do not, I beg of you, go over there. Stay here with me. It’s your choice.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

DOn't know why you're promoting that other blog -He seems like a nasty piece of work to me.

Uncle Dick Madeley said...

You don't know the half of it, Brian. The way we've looked after him. Judy even helped him redecorate his flat; I've listened to him moan on for months. I think I can rise above it and promote his blog when the time is right. I can be a better man and blogger than he is. It's what comes from my TV training and background in quality journalism.

I agree though. A nasty piece of work.

James Higham said...

A plethora of links today, Richard.

lee said...

Just passing through and want to say hello :). I'm supposed to be roasting beetroot at the moment.

Anonymous said...

Would you care to pop round one evening to roast your chestnuts? I have a bottle of Freezomint with your name one it... no .. literally... Dicky Madeleys Own Brand Freezomint... Happy Christmas!!

percy stilton said...

May your days be merry & bright, Madeley matey, wherever you are
Peace & Lights
Percy

James Higham said...

Vulgar betrayal or not - Merry Christmas, Richard and Judy.

Alex Anderson said...

Richard gets a mention in the first of my weekly blogs ive just started....give it a look. I promise, its not complete shit !

Alex Anderson said...

http://whatwouldjesusprobablydo.blogspot.com